So I’m just killing time (and I’m a prolific murder of time) and so I stopped by the ongoing Russian translation of Lazarus Machine to look at the comments. The translation is currently on chapter 27, just around the wedding. http://ficbook.net/readfic/693739 if you’re interested. I view it through Chrome, which will automatically translate the page (thought it comes out mostly unintelligible). I like to look at the comments, just as I like to look at the comments on any of my other posted sites.
At times, the comments cannot even seem to translate properly, in the case of my favorite reference to umnichka John. Looking it up separately, it’s a term meaning clever, in an endearing way. Makes me melt. Today, the thing that made me laugh was the translator replying to a comment made about the line where John is too short to kiss Sherlock without Sherlock’s assistance. She said that (cleaning up for the choppy translation) John would have to put a little stool in every room so he could more easily kiss his husband. Awwww. LOL.
Anyway, I’m killing time I could be spending either job hunting or writing new chapters. I feel past the hysterical sobbing stage of my depression and have passed into the utterly lethargic stage. I did manage to write and post a chapter of the completely episodic series Experiments in Warmth within the last couple of weeks, and have one more chapter in that series done but for a paranoid series of adjustments I can’t stop making. I was doing that with the chapter I posted, never feeling it was done, never feeling it was as good as it could be. Every final pass I made changed things, then again, then again, and I finally posted it so I would stop torturing it.
Right now I have a couple hours before having to get ready for work, and several years of NaNoWriMo have shown me how much I can accomplish in a mere couple of hours, but I’m still having a hard time settling down to it. I suppose part of the problem is my weakness with plot and, while I do know in a general sense what is going to happen through to the end of the story (stories) I’m not quite sure what happens in detail. I find indecision rather plaguing. So until I make the decision, I avoid it. Which is a useless circle, really, since the more I avoid it, the further I get from the story in my mind.
I don’t want to be the writer who dries up for months and months, only to abandon the work entirely. I want to finish. The same problem applies to John’s Gamble, which I had originally said I didn’t even want to post until it was nearly done or done, and which now languishes in the same cesspool of depression as everything else, half-finished.
I’m hoping that NaNoWriMo invigorates me, but I’m just not certain this year that it will. I’m still not certain what I want to do, with little over a week to figure it out. Last year I started late and did not finish because of indecision. I hate to think the same will apply here. I suppose, though, I need one good thing to set me on a happy mental path rather than this spiraling doom I feel when I think of current events in my life.
Before I forget, I did stumble upon a delightfully apt Sherlock crossover fic with Neil Gaiman’s Fortunately the Milk, the very existence of which made me chortle with glee. :) http://archiveofourown.org/works/1015760 So I suppose the world is not all bad.